Short Jokes

(Words in the imperative mood are bold. A felszólító módban lévő igék félkövéren vannak szedve.)

Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.
Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink.

A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.
B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi.

Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom?
Little Johnny: But I asked first!

A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."
The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."
The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"
The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the....
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map.
Maria: This is it.
Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America?
Class: Maria did.

A man is talking to God.

The man: "God, how long is a million years?"
God: "To me, it's about a minute."
The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God: "To me it's a penny."
The man: "God, may I have a penny?"
God: "Wait a minute."

Teacher: How can we get some clean water?
Student: Bring the water from the river and wash it.

A guy says to his friend, "Guess how many coins I have in my pocket."
The friends says, "If I guess right, will you give me one of them?"
The first guys says, "If you guess right, I'll give you both of them!"

A: Meet my new born brother.
B: Oh, he is so handsome! What's his name?
A: I don't know. I can't understand a word he says.

Waiter, call the manager. I can’t eat this terrible food.
There’s no point, sir. He won’t eat it either.

Look out! You’ve got your thumb in my soup!
Don’t worry. It isn’t very hot!

Wait a minute, what’s your thumb doing on my steak?!
I don’t want it to fall on the floor again, sir.

Q: What did the doctor say when the invisible man called to make an appointment?
A: Tell him I can’t see him today.